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The Demise of Guys?!

We originally posted a TED talk on the impact of frequent TV, gaming and porn consumption.  After further reflection, we believe the talk didn’t make the case strong enough.  Please watch this space over the next week – we will share more data on this issue. 

We will also share data on the epidemic of fatherless households.  Sometimes this is due to the physical absence of the husband/father, and sometimes it is due to the emotional absence.  Both, have a huge impact on a child. 

In the meanwhile, please support the below MENTOR initiative.  Thank you!

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I don’t pretend to have all the answers but this is one of the reasons we have a men’s ministry.  We refuse to sit idly by, while our children and grandchildren, our sons and daughters, our friends and family become victims to our society!  We are starting a movement!  Will you join us?!

The movement is of fathers to sacrifice for their children and become a  M – E – N – T – O – R:

M = They Model the behavior.  So that their children say ‘I want to be like that!’.  Pastor Denny Henderson
said it best when he said his father told him that he could always be confident in ‘doing what I do.  saying what I say, watching what I watch, reading what I read’.  He would never do anything that he, his son, shouldn’t do.

E = They Engage and Encourage.  It’s important to know what your son is interested in, what they are worried about, what they are excited about.  As someone said, part of loving someone is caring about what they care about. 

N = They Share the Good News.   A firm foundation based on the Gospel.  As Jesus says in Matthew 7 and Luke 6, you will not be able to stand trials if you do not have a strong foundation.  The foundation is Jesus and we build on that foundation through obedience.

T = They Commit their Time.  We need to spend time not only with our children but with our wives.  How we treat their mothers teaches them a lot about how they should treat women.  As Rev. Theodore Hesburgh said ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’

O = They Expect Obedience.   There is a place for respect and displine in parenting.  As we are obedient to God, we need to ensure our children our respectful and obedient to us and other people in authority.

R = And They Regulate.  As parents we need to regulate the amount and quality of TV, internet and gaming that is consumed by our kids.  We need to create boundaries of appropriate behavior.  Ironically once they know the boudaries it creates a refuge for them because they know what is appropriate.  It’s like the anology that rules in baseball allow us to enjoy the game.  We don’t have to worry about someone running to first and hitting the first baseman in the head with the bat before they are tagged.

Are you willing to make this commitment?   For your son’s sake, for your sake, I hope so.  May God bless you all!

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Men’s Retreat with PriorityOne

Great weekend everyone! We had our largest group ever, 16 people. One member of our group, Curtis, was baptized in the lake! We had a great time getting to know each other. It’s great to have good Christian friends. For those that couldn’t join us – we missed you!

Just posted some pictures on our facebook group. http://www.facebook.com/groups/43848377913/  Hope you enjoy. Here are just a few:

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Finally, in the spirit of the weekend, here are 10 things I learned:
(1) Alhassan can play a mean game of frisbee golf.  After one of my throws he said “you aren’t very athletic are you?”  Thank brother!
(2) A letter in Vinny Coniglio’s last name is silent. Do you know which one?  Hint: It’s not the ‘C’
(3) John snores
(4) If you take a long time to drink your milkshake … make sure no one is around to continue to bring it up all weekend.
(5) Alhassan once shaved his head and John would for a $1000, any takers?
(6) Robert can’t drive a nail while wearing a blindfold, sunglasses and a funny hat
(7) Although it may have felt like it, we didn’t set a world record for the longest time between sinking a ball (other than the cue ball) in billards.
(8) Yves is fearless – zip line, swing, rope course …. bring it on!

(9) When you get baptized in Lake Champion, the Holy Spirit turns your potbelly into a six pack (Curtis)!

and #10….
(10) Yes Vinny, the water fountain works!

Come join us for one of our small groups this week.  Either Thursday evening or Saturday morning.  Send a note to learn more.

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INDEPENDENCE DAY: COUNTING THE COMMITMENT, NOT THE COST

Commit your way to the LORD. (Psalm 37:5, NIV)

 

Americans will make a mistake today (sorry, little late), well intended, good hearted, but  none-the-less, a mistake.  I’ve seen it begin already as June ended and the calendar pressed  forward to this day, the Fourth of July.

I’ve seen it mostly in the e-mails, the blogs, the Facebook postings of well-intentioned citizens asking me to take this Holiday and think about what freedom cost, to remember the men and the women of the Armed Forces and their sacrifice as the prime example of the cost of freedom.  The suggestion is that if we stop a moment and think about their sacrifice and their suffering then we will have honored the Holiday and made ourselves worthy of it and justified the picnics, the ball games, the BBQs, and the fireworks.

I know this to be true because for years I have done it myself.  I figure that I have a leg up on most of you because I didn’t have to conjure up pictures and videos of men and women in uniform, long rows of white crosses and stars of David, heart-warming clips of homecomings.  I wish I could say I had a front row seat to America’s sacrifice, but Dover’s mortuary puts one right down on the field, not a picture, not a video, but face to face with the actual ultimate price of liberty.

But America has already given me a Holiday to honor them and the cost they have paid — it’s called Memorial Day.  America has given me another holiday to honor those who paid a price and by God’s grace came back alive — it’s called Veteran’s day.  Today, Independence day, we make the mistake of trying to squeeze one more day in to honor our brave men and women of the armed forces and while that’s never a bad thing, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s not the purpose of this Holiday.

This Holiday does not celebrate the cost of our country’s military, but the commitment of its citizenry.  We all know the famous lines from the Declaration . . . “We hold these truths to be self-evident” .

. .  But what of the last line? . . . “And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.”

This is a day to remember their commitment to the higher ideal of Freedom.

Their commitment was established before the cost was paid.

And pay a cost they did — giving their lives, their families, their health, their homes, their businesses, but that’s no less than they pledged to each other.

What commitment!  That’s what I want to remember today — I want to contemplate the deep core of character these men had who committed themselves to giving up life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for themselves in order to give life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to others living and to other generations not yet born.  I want to be a man who makes commitments, good and noble commitments and follows through with them even when the cost was more than I imagined when I made the commitment.

When I was sixteen, I committed myself to being a follower of Jesus Christ

— I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-one, I committed myself to a beautiful woman while standing before God and witnesses — I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-eight, I committed myself to defending the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic and though I have been retired from Active Duty, I will honor that commitment until the day I die.

When I was 25, 31 and 33, I made the commitment to be a father to three children, not just to raise them, but to be their father — I will keep that commitment until the day I die.

Costs follow commitment!  If I make no commitment, then anything that happens is just a by-product of chance.  If I make the commitment, then I am saying, “let cost come — it will not deter me from what I have pledged.”

So, today, I am reminded that I want to be a man of commitment, to God and His people, to my wife, to my children, to my country.  I may have not paid the ultimate cost in any of these things yet, but I have made the ultimate commitments and I shall keep them regardless the cost.

To Whom, divine or earthly, are you committed today?  To what ideals have you pledged yourself?  Do you recognize that those who pledged themselves to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness gave theirs up — can you do no less?

It’s the fourth of July — make it yours . . . Commit!

 

John Groth

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Keeping it silly! Common greeting at our small group

Keeping it Silly from Westchester Men’s Ministry on Vimeo.

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>Lent: Don’t Give Up!

>(Sorry for the long delay between posts)

Hey guys! I know that’s a weird subject for this blog entry but it was inspired!

Did you guys make a resolution for lent? Something you will either stop or start doing for the next 40 (now 39 days). If you were thinking of something but didn’t do it (or stop doing it) yesterday, don’t give up. Why not start today. We are imperfect, we know that (and guess what – so does God). So why not start today?!

I’ve decided to meditate/journal every day through Lent. I’m hoping I can build discipline and start to enjoy it. To let you know how much of a stretch this is for me, I’ve been journaling about once a month. And I’ve been satisfied with that because that was once more than I was doing before.

Why not share your resolution so we can pray for you and cheer you on!

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Mondays with Dad

My father passed away last Thursday. He shared his heart for his family with me during our weekly discussions. I’m so thankful that he was my dad!

Mondays with Dad
(Borrowed from Tuesdays with Morrie)
As Long as You Are Under this Roof…
It is great to see so many people here today.  Dad always loved this church and did a lot to fill it.  Although I can’t say he had those high intentions in mind when he had 12 children … but we can’t say for sure.
It is sure that he did his best to get his children to church.  I remember hearing more than once “as long as you are under this roof you will go to church”.  …Father (referring to Ft. Morris), I think it is appropriate … on behalf of my brothers and sisters; we have a confession to make.  We would often come to church pick up a bulletin and get scarce for an hour.  When dad asked later, “Did you go to church?” we could say “I went to the 10 (holding up the bulletin) and I see the youth group is meeting again this Tuesday”
            Personally, I was very closed minded about God.  I would go to church to please dad.  But I would go to the late service because than, I reasoned, I could at least practice my Spanish.
Mondays with Dad
            It was many years later, actually only 2 or 3 years ago, that dad and I started sitting at the kitchen table each Monday.  We would discuss God, Jesus and Heaven.  Typically the conversation would turn to Scripture and we would have to pull out dad’s big Bible, possible a remnant from his days selling Bibles in the Bronx.  One day I remember holding the Bible with only one hand and the bulk of the Bible fell on the floor, leaving me with only the cover.  Dad quickly said, “you know before you started coming over here that Bible was in great shape.”
Workers in the Vineyard
            On one of those Mondays we actually talked about today’s Gospel reading (Matt 20:1-16.  I remembered telling dad how I used to struggle with it.  I understood that the parable indicates that some will accept Jesus when they are children and others while they are on their deathbed.  And some will resent the offer and never accept Him.  I just didn’t understand why those that have lived, sacrificed and suffered for God for a long time wouldn’t be acknowledged in some way.
            I told him that I was praying about it and God said, “I’m in the vineyard, you are with Me.  The vineyard is heaven.”
Guided by God
            It was probably this reference to prayer that dad still had in mind the next time we met.  When I told him I was praying for something, he quickly stopped me and said, “Terence, God isn’t bothered with trivial things like that.  God is like a landlord; you call him only when you have a big problem.  He doesn’t have time for such small and daily issues.
            “Well dad”, I said, “the Bible does say that God cares about the small details in our lives.  It says that He counts the hairs on our head (which is a moment by moment activity for some of us) and he has his eye on the sparrow…and we are worth many sparrows.”
            Dad paused; it looked like he was thinking even before I started talking.  He then started to share a story but he seemed to be talking more to himself than me.
            “When I was a kid, I was often in trouble for pitching toss.  (An Irish game where you gamble on the results of a tossed coin)  My father (Dad’s dad) told me more than once that I should be studying instead.
            One day, my father thinking of my future, bought me an Irish pub.  On the way home, he saw me pitching toss.  Without even telling me, he went and sold the pub.  He later told me that I wasn’t mature enough.”
            Dad looked at me, “it was probably for the best, I was so easy going that I likely would have given most of the drinks away for free and forgotten to charge for the rest, going bankrupt.  I would have shared in the drinking myself too, possible getting hooked.”
            He continued and turned to me, “Did you know that when I first came to the U.S. I had my heart set on becoming a NY city police officer?”  I never knew that. “Yea, when I got here it turned out that I required a number of months of training and that training would put me over the maximum age allowed.  I would have just missed the cutoff.
            That too, was for the best, when I was young I was brazen and I likely wouldn’t have lived long with a gun in the rough streets of New York City.”
            He continued with more examples of disappointments that were blessings in disguise.  And finally said, as if to himself, I guess God IS watching my way and focused on the small things.
Destined for Heaven
            Throughout our discussions, dad never questioned whether he would be going to heaven.  He once said, “I know two things.  I’m a great sinner and I have a great Savior.  I know I’m going to heaven.  You might make it too but I’ll probably have to travel to see you.”  He was always ribbing me.  Mom quickly responded, “Dad, just because you go to Heaven doesn’t mean they will open the pearly gates and let you in!”
Intercessory Prayer
            The prayer dad copied down, that Patrick read, is what is called an intercessory prayer.  It’s a prayer that asks for nothing for yourself but is on behalf of someone else.  Using the Gospel analogy, I imagine dad (t-shirt wet from sweat after a hard day’s work) going to the vineyard owner, God, and saying I know it is late … but would it be possible for you to go out one more time… there are still a few missing.
            Dad did desire to see this church full but what he really had on his heart was that we would all be in heaven together. Let’s pray.

Creative Commons License
Mondays with Dad by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at nymensministry.com.

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Walk and Talk

Men’s Fellowship: Walk and Talk

This Saturday, June 5, 7:30 am

Rockwood Park (7:30 am) and Eldorado West, Tarrytown (9 am)

Come for a stroll by the Hudson and through the woods! Afterwards, meet for breakfast at the diner. Or come just to walk, or just to breakfast!

Directions: Rockwood Park is near Phelps Hospital. Take 117 west from Pleasantville or from its intersection with 9A or Taconic State Parkway north. After about 2 miles from 9A, you will see the exit for route 9. Do not take this exit, but stay left and begin to slow down. You will soon come to a crossroads, with Phelps Hospital on your left. Go straight through the crossroad, and park in the small parking lot immediately on your left.
Eldorado West is a diner on route 9, near the entrance ramp for I87 south. From Rockwood Park, we return east on 117, and immediately take 9 south all the way through Tarrytown. Then look for the diner on the left, after the ramp for I87 north and the Tappanzee Bridge.
Hope to see you there!

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Bonhoeffer – A Christian Hero

Eric Metaxas’ book on Dietrich Bonhoeffer is a very enjoyable read and very relevant today. Besides it has got rave reviews from the Wall Street Journal, Fox News and many others.

Here is a short video on Bonhoeffer:
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Can You Lose Your Salvation

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been debating the question ‘can one lose their salvation?’ in our small group.  My opinion has leaned always towards ‘no’.  Not in order to assure myself that my actions couldn’t cause my demise but that they couldn’t cause my salvation.  I do believe that the devil is constantly in the ear of those that have given their life to Christ saying “Are you really sure you are saved?” while God is in the other ear saying “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.

To think that our actions, I argued could keep us saved devalues Christ’s sacrifice.  He paid it all and died so we might live.  I’m not arguing that we need to work out our sanctification but all we bring to our justification is our sins (sorry forgot who originally said this).

Today, I heard a sermon from Chuck Swindoll on Disqualification.  He made a compelling point.  Not that our disciplines or actions assure our salvation but that the state of our heart will be judged.  Can we love God with all our heart and desire Him over everything, and than slowly fall in love with the things of the world and forget God.  I believe we can.

It’s not a quick action like the slip of the tongue.  ‘Oh no, there goes my salvation, let me work to get back in right relationship with God.’  No, it’s more like deciding not to accept the gift we once accepted.  Jesus’ death paid the price and this is a gift we need to receive.  He doesn’t force it on us.

As Chuck so eloquently described putting something else before God is subtle, very subtle.  We test the boundaries, we rationalize our actions, we continue to push the limits.  Until we say “I don’t care the cost, I want …”  and the blank space is anything but God.

But their is hope.  Chuck mentions Samson and how his ego led to his demise but he didn’t mention the end of the story.  In Judges 16:28, Samson prays to God “O sovereign Lord, remember me.  O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes”.  Some say Samson’s hair had grown back and therefore his strength had returned but then he wouldn’t need to pray.  No, it’s clear that he put God back in His right position, as the sovereign Lord, and therefore took himself off the throne of his life.  God answered Samson’s prayer and if you turn back to God he will answer yours.

Please listen to Chuck Swindoll’s sermon here:
Insight for Living – April 26, 2010

* Image courtesy of http://www.howstuffworks.com/

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>Do you have Boundaries

>   I just heard a sermon and the Holy Spirit convicted me.  The sermon was on Daniel 3, the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  In the story the king of Bablon, Nebuchadnezzar, setup a golden statue and told everyone that they must bow down and worship it.  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused and they were told that if they didn’t comply they would be thrown into the blazing furnace.  Without hesitation this is how they replied:

 16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”



They didn’t have to discuss the matter.  This decision was made a long time ago when they decided who they would follow.  They were thrown into the furnace and God was with them.  Read the story in Daniel 3.

This got me thinking ‘do I avoid sinning because God said so, or because of the potential negative consequences.’  Furthermore, have I made a decision that no matter what the consequences, ‘I will not’ or ‘I will’ do certain things.  The answer for me was ‘no’.  I had not drawn those lines clearly.  Yes, there are some things such as murder that wouldn’t require any thought but do I have a clear line that I would not cross?

I decided to create a “Will Do” and “Won’t Do” List.   That is, lists that help me define the boundaries of what I will do, and won’t do at work, at home, at church and with my neighbors and friends.

I soon realized that it is very important that I be specific.  For example, it’s easy to say that ‘I will not break the law’. But this statement is much more effective: “I will not pay for any services in cash to avoid taxes.”

Have you defined the boundaries in your life.  If you haven’t, you might make the wrong decision when put under pressure.  Are you willing to take that risk?!

What’s on your list?  We would like to know.