post

My Father; My Hero

written by Gene Wiggins

My father is my hero. He hasn’t always been, I’m ashamed to say, but he is now.

dad, hero, mentor, model, MENTOR, father, fatheringHere are some of the reasons that my father is my hero:

  1. He’s always composed and calm.  Never out of control, nor does he ever yell, unless someone is yelling too much and too near him.  (A person can only take so much.)
  2. He recognizes he makes mistakes and he apologizes when he hurts someone’s feelings.  He knows he’s not perfect but he accepts it for what it is.   Some people strive to be perfect and others like to point out other’s mistakes.  Which are you?
  3. He smiles and talks to people he likes and loves.  He doesn’t talk to people that he’s either annoyed with, or plainly doesn’t like.  But doesn’t say anything negative about that person.  He generally nods them to death and pictures a donkey in his head.
  4. He prefers a person’s company rather than gifts.  But if your going to give him clothing make sure he has plenty of room, but that it’s not too big.  If you give him candy, make sure it is butterscotch, or chocolate or caramel or all of the above, and always salty.
  5. He knows when someone wants something from him.  He may look like a western hick, but he’s as smart as they come.  He’ll catch you in a lie.  He’s not forgetful, he’s just slow of hearing.
  6. He’s not materialistic.  He would be happy anywhere as long as he has something to keep the rain off his head, something to keep him warm and a bed to rest in.  (I hear you giggling, Donna and Lynda)
  7. He’s generous and caring.  He’s generous with gifts and will give away all his possessions without thinking about it.  But somehow he knows who’s genuine, and who’s trying to play him.  The devil himself would give up and go back to hell before he got anything out of my old man.
  8. He’s helpful.  He’ll go out of his way to fix something or build a fence for a neighbor.   I heard a story from a neighbor who lived next door to my father once.  My father overheard his neighbor talking about hiring someone to cut down a tree in his front yard.  The man heard my dad shout “I’ll be right back.”  Shrugging the man continued his conversation with his friend.  A moment later my father came back with the longest chainsaw he ever saw (that’s my dad–overkill).  He started the motor up and went to work. The man said he witnessed sawdust and chips flying all over the place.  So much that he couldn’t see my father or the tree.  Another moment later, the tree slowly toppled to one side.  And low and behold my father still stood there completely covered in sawdust, including his glasses.  He took his glasses off and said ‘there ya go’ and promptly began sawing it up into fireplace sized pieces.  It was all done in ten minutes.  He helped his neighbor stack the pieces in the side yard off the lawn.  And they became best friends and the neighbor later on became my best man.  He loves telling the story to outsiders, just so they would know what kind of man my father is.
  9. He’s a veteran of three wars.  World War II, the Korean War and the Vietnam war. Although he never saw combat, he sat behind a gunnery tower keeping his eyes on the night sky and drinking the world’s strongest coffee.  Navy coffee.  What’s left over they use to remove the paint off the ship.  No really, seriously.  What does that do to your insides then?
  10. He is a true believer.  He believes in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  He’s always believed God will get you out of any fix you’ve stumbled into.  And he’s had a few close calls.
  11. He loves me unconditionally.  After recovering my long term memory in the hospital I remember how much he had to put up with me.  All the trouble I would get into.  All the trouble I would cause, and all the trouble makers I would hang with.  I always said the wrong thing at the wrong time, pulled the wrong pin, or cut the wrong wire.  My dad would just shake his head and sometimes let out a breath of air at the same time, but just walk away.  But never did he hit me, never did he say a discouraging word, and he most certainly never spanked my bottom.  But he knew there was something not quite right with his son.  Dad let me tell you what it was, hormones and the scantily clad girl across the street.

These are just some of the reason my dad is my mentor.  I love him very much, as much as my wife loves her friends and family, and I’m glad he’s my father, but mostly, I’m proud to call him my hero.
Creative Commons License
My Father; My Hero by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://www.facebook.com/notes/william-wiggins/my-dad-my-hero/187371661403412.

post

A Father’s Testimony

My daughter lived 780 days (2 years and 2 months) and we often wondered after she died, if she knew Jesus.  She Did!  We know we will see her again and I hope her story will be a comfort to others who have experienced loss.  May God comfort you and bless you!

Westchester Men's Ministry - Christian Fathers

Emily was born on February 13, 2002 with Carnitine-acylcarnitine translocase (CACT) deficiency which is a genetic disorder that prevents the proper breakdown of fats.  This leads to excess ammonia in the blood (hyperammonemia), an enlarged liver (hepatomegaly), and a weakened heart muscle (cardiomyopathy).  Emily died on April 3, 2004 of cardiomyopathy.

Carolyn and Terence miss Emily very much.  We know that she lights up heaven just a little more with her presence but this world is that much dimmer without her.

God Bless!

Creative Commons License

A Father’s Testimony by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at https://nymensministry.com/2012/11/08/a-fathers-testimony/.
 

post

I’m Watching You Dad !

Model the Behavior for your kids

Be the model that your kids need you to be!

Thank you Dads for all you do!

post

Protecting Your Family

As Christian parents, it is imperative that we regulate what our children see on TV, the internet and elsewhere

“Train up a child in the way he should go,  And when he is old he will not depart from it” – Proverbs 22:6

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” – Matthew 5:28

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman” – Job 31:1

Some Statistics:

  1. On Internet sexual content from Online MBA.  See the full infographic here:

  

2. On TV – according to USA Today, teens experience 3 times as much sexual content on TV then on the internet.  

3. The impact of all this sexual content:

    • According to a Rand study, teens that saw the most sex on TV were twice as likely to initiate intercourse
    • According to Pediatrics, teens who were exposed to the most sexual content were twice as likely to get pregnant in the subsequent 3 year period.
    • Also TV, internet and games, impact their weight and sleep, depression and anxiety, and even grades

So, How Do We Respond?!

I was planning to put together a list of tools and resources but then found Focus on the Family’s page on the topic and I think it is pretty good.  There are other tools out there as well like SafeEyes and Norton Family but this site also contains resources for TV, etc.  So take a look at this site and let us know what you think in the comments.  Thanks!

Focus on the Family – Safety Resources

Sources for all data are listed in the body of this blog.  Please refer to the links for more details.  Thanks!

Creative Commons License
Protecting Your Family by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at nymensministry.com.

post

M = Model the Behavior

        I just love this picture!  It appeared in the Fall edition of Seed & Harvest from the Trinity School for Ministry.  Although I don’t know Tyler, I can tell he is a great dad.  So I thought this was the perfect image to use as we talk about the ‘M’ in M*E*N*T*O*R.

We’d like to ask you to tell us about people you know who are great Dads.  We then publish some of the stories and videos that we receive.  You can contact us at NYMensMinistry@yahoo.com.

Thanks for reading!

post

The Demise of Guys?!

We originally posted a TED talk on the impact of frequent TV, gaming and porn consumption.  After further reflection, we believe the talk didn’t make the case strong enough.  Please watch this space over the next week – we will share more data on this issue. 

We will also share data on the epidemic of fatherless households.  Sometimes this is due to the physical absence of the husband/father, and sometimes it is due to the emotional absence.  Both, have a huge impact on a child. 

In the meanwhile, please support the below MENTOR initiative.  Thank you!

—————————————————————————————————————

I don’t pretend to have all the answers but this is one of the reasons we have a men’s ministry.  We refuse to sit idly by, while our children and grandchildren, our sons and daughters, our friends and family become victims to our society!  We are starting a movement!  Will you join us?!

The movement is of fathers to sacrifice for their children and become a  M – E – N – T – O – R:

M = They Model the behavior.  So that their children say ‘I want to be like that!’.  Pastor Denny Henderson
said it best when he said his father told him that he could always be confident in ‘doing what I do.  saying what I say, watching what I watch, reading what I read’.  He would never do anything that he, his son, shouldn’t do.

E = They Engage and Encourage.  It’s important to know what your son is interested in, what they are worried about, what they are excited about.  As someone said, part of loving someone is caring about what they care about. 

N = They Share the Good News.   A firm foundation based on the Gospel.  As Jesus says in Matthew 7 and Luke 6, you will not be able to stand trials if you do not have a strong foundation.  The foundation is Jesus and we build on that foundation through obedience.

T = They Commit their Time.  We need to spend time not only with our children but with our wives.  How we treat their mothers teaches them a lot about how they should treat women.  As Rev. Theodore Hesburgh said ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’

O = They Expect Obedience.   There is a place for respect and displine in parenting.  As we are obedient to God, we need to ensure our children our respectful and obedient to us and other people in authority.

R = And They Regulate.  As parents we need to regulate the amount and quality of TV, internet and gaming that is consumed by our kids.  We need to create boundaries of appropriate behavior.  Ironically once they know the boudaries it creates a refuge for them because they know what is appropriate.  It’s like the anology that rules in baseball allow us to enjoy the game.  We don’t have to worry about someone running to first and hitting the first baseman in the head with the bat before they are tagged.

Are you willing to make this commitment?   For your son’s sake, for your sake, I hope so.  May God bless you all!

post

INDEPENDENCE DAY: COUNTING THE COMMITMENT, NOT THE COST

Commit your way to the LORD. (Psalm 37:5, NIV)

 

Americans will make a mistake today (sorry, little late), well intended, good hearted, but  none-the-less, a mistake.  I’ve seen it begin already as June ended and the calendar pressed  forward to this day, the Fourth of July.

I’ve seen it mostly in the e-mails, the blogs, the Facebook postings of well-intentioned citizens asking me to take this Holiday and think about what freedom cost, to remember the men and the women of the Armed Forces and their sacrifice as the prime example of the cost of freedom.  The suggestion is that if we stop a moment and think about their sacrifice and their suffering then we will have honored the Holiday and made ourselves worthy of it and justified the picnics, the ball games, the BBQs, and the fireworks.

I know this to be true because for years I have done it myself.  I figure that I have a leg up on most of you because I didn’t have to conjure up pictures and videos of men and women in uniform, long rows of white crosses and stars of David, heart-warming clips of homecomings.  I wish I could say I had a front row seat to America’s sacrifice, but Dover’s mortuary puts one right down on the field, not a picture, not a video, but face to face with the actual ultimate price of liberty.

But America has already given me a Holiday to honor them and the cost they have paid — it’s called Memorial Day.  America has given me another holiday to honor those who paid a price and by God’s grace came back alive — it’s called Veteran’s day.  Today, Independence day, we make the mistake of trying to squeeze one more day in to honor our brave men and women of the armed forces and while that’s never a bad thing, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s not the purpose of this Holiday.

This Holiday does not celebrate the cost of our country’s military, but the commitment of its citizenry.  We all know the famous lines from the Declaration . . . “We hold these truths to be self-evident” .

. .  But what of the last line? . . . “And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.”

This is a day to remember their commitment to the higher ideal of Freedom.

Their commitment was established before the cost was paid.

And pay a cost they did — giving their lives, their families, their health, their homes, their businesses, but that’s no less than they pledged to each other.

What commitment!  That’s what I want to remember today — I want to contemplate the deep core of character these men had who committed themselves to giving up life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for themselves in order to give life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to others living and to other generations not yet born.  I want to be a man who makes commitments, good and noble commitments and follows through with them even when the cost was more than I imagined when I made the commitment.

When I was sixteen, I committed myself to being a follower of Jesus Christ

— I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-one, I committed myself to a beautiful woman while standing before God and witnesses — I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-eight, I committed myself to defending the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic and though I have been retired from Active Duty, I will honor that commitment until the day I die.

When I was 25, 31 and 33, I made the commitment to be a father to three children, not just to raise them, but to be their father — I will keep that commitment until the day I die.

Costs follow commitment!  If I make no commitment, then anything that happens is just a by-product of chance.  If I make the commitment, then I am saying, “let cost come — it will not deter me from what I have pledged.”

So, today, I am reminded that I want to be a man of commitment, to God and His people, to my wife, to my children, to my country.  I may have not paid the ultimate cost in any of these things yet, but I have made the ultimate commitments and I shall keep them regardless the cost.

To Whom, divine or earthly, are you committed today?  To what ideals have you pledged yourself?  Do you recognize that those who pledged themselves to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness gave theirs up — can you do no less?

It’s the fourth of July — make it yours . . . Commit!

 

John Groth

post

Dad’s Life

Funny Video about the cool and modern dad!

post

Mondays with Dad

My father passed away last Thursday. He shared his heart for his family with me during our weekly discussions. I’m so thankful that he was my dad!

Mondays with Dad
(Borrowed from Tuesdays with Morrie)
As Long as You Are Under this Roof…
It is great to see so many people here today.  Dad always loved this church and did a lot to fill it.  Although I can’t say he had those high intentions in mind when he had 12 children … but we can’t say for sure.
It is sure that he did his best to get his children to church.  I remember hearing more than once “as long as you are under this roof you will go to church”.  …Father (referring to Ft. Morris), I think it is appropriate … on behalf of my brothers and sisters; we have a confession to make.  We would often come to church pick up a bulletin and get scarce for an hour.  When dad asked later, “Did you go to church?” we could say “I went to the 10 (holding up the bulletin) and I see the youth group is meeting again this Tuesday”
            Personally, I was very closed minded about God.  I would go to church to please dad.  But I would go to the late service because than, I reasoned, I could at least practice my Spanish.
Mondays with Dad
            It was many years later, actually only 2 or 3 years ago, that dad and I started sitting at the kitchen table each Monday.  We would discuss God, Jesus and Heaven.  Typically the conversation would turn to Scripture and we would have to pull out dad’s big Bible, possible a remnant from his days selling Bibles in the Bronx.  One day I remember holding the Bible with only one hand and the bulk of the Bible fell on the floor, leaving me with only the cover.  Dad quickly said, “you know before you started coming over here that Bible was in great shape.”
Workers in the Vineyard
            On one of those Mondays we actually talked about today’s Gospel reading (Matt 20:1-16.  I remembered telling dad how I used to struggle with it.  I understood that the parable indicates that some will accept Jesus when they are children and others while they are on their deathbed.  And some will resent the offer and never accept Him.  I just didn’t understand why those that have lived, sacrificed and suffered for God for a long time wouldn’t be acknowledged in some way.
            I told him that I was praying about it and God said, “I’m in the vineyard, you are with Me.  The vineyard is heaven.”
Guided by God
            It was probably this reference to prayer that dad still had in mind the next time we met.  When I told him I was praying for something, he quickly stopped me and said, “Terence, God isn’t bothered with trivial things like that.  God is like a landlord; you call him only when you have a big problem.  He doesn’t have time for such small and daily issues.
            “Well dad”, I said, “the Bible does say that God cares about the small details in our lives.  It says that He counts the hairs on our head (which is a moment by moment activity for some of us) and he has his eye on the sparrow…and we are worth many sparrows.”
            Dad paused; it looked like he was thinking even before I started talking.  He then started to share a story but he seemed to be talking more to himself than me.
            “When I was a kid, I was often in trouble for pitching toss.  (An Irish game where you gamble on the results of a tossed coin)  My father (Dad’s dad) told me more than once that I should be studying instead.
            One day, my father thinking of my future, bought me an Irish pub.  On the way home, he saw me pitching toss.  Without even telling me, he went and sold the pub.  He later told me that I wasn’t mature enough.”
            Dad looked at me, “it was probably for the best, I was so easy going that I likely would have given most of the drinks away for free and forgotten to charge for the rest, going bankrupt.  I would have shared in the drinking myself too, possible getting hooked.”
            He continued and turned to me, “Did you know that when I first came to the U.S. I had my heart set on becoming a NY city police officer?”  I never knew that. “Yea, when I got here it turned out that I required a number of months of training and that training would put me over the maximum age allowed.  I would have just missed the cutoff.
            That too, was for the best, when I was young I was brazen and I likely wouldn’t have lived long with a gun in the rough streets of New York City.”
            He continued with more examples of disappointments that were blessings in disguise.  And finally said, as if to himself, I guess God IS watching my way and focused on the small things.
Destined for Heaven
            Throughout our discussions, dad never questioned whether he would be going to heaven.  He once said, “I know two things.  I’m a great sinner and I have a great Savior.  I know I’m going to heaven.  You might make it too but I’ll probably have to travel to see you.”  He was always ribbing me.  Mom quickly responded, “Dad, just because you go to Heaven doesn’t mean they will open the pearly gates and let you in!”
Intercessory Prayer
            The prayer dad copied down, that Patrick read, is what is called an intercessory prayer.  It’s a prayer that asks for nothing for yourself but is on behalf of someone else.  Using the Gospel analogy, I imagine dad (t-shirt wet from sweat after a hard day’s work) going to the vineyard owner, God, and saying I know it is late … but would it be possible for you to go out one more time… there are still a few missing.
            Dad did desire to see this church full but what he really had on his heart was that we would all be in heaven together. Let’s pray.

Creative Commons License
Mondays with Dad by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at nymensministry.com.

post

God’s Response to Our Wounds

The Situation: We are all Wounded

  • We are all impacted by our parents. Their actions, their example and their love.
  • Since they are imperfect (like us), we are wounded.
  • These wounds leave us unsure about ourselves and afraid that we will be exposed as less then what we appear to be.
  • They are a lie, that says we are unworthy or not valuable.
  • Like any lie or half truth, it can cause us to respond incorrectly.
  • Even Jesus needed to hear words of affirmation from his father.

You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased  – Luke 3:22

God’s Response
Galatians 4:4-7
“But when the fullness of time had come. God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” (ESV)

Joshua 1:9
“…Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where you go.”

Psalm 139:7-10
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”

Proverbs 3:11-12
”My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (NIV)

Hebrews 12:7
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”

Proverbs 17:6
“The glory of children is their father” (NKJV)

Study Questions

  1. What words or thoughts strike you in the verses above?
  2. How has God affirmed you in a way your father didn’t or couldn’t?
  3. What implications does this have on us, as fathers?
  4. How can we pray for you as a father? For your son or daughter?