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New Year’s Resolutions

resolutions, goals, Christian, new year's, new years, plan, new year's resolutions, Christian
In 2010, I created a set of goals.  It was an aggressive list of over 27 goals broken into 9 categories.  I’ve been working on those goals ever since.  They weren’t exactly new year’s resolutions because I knew that was too much to expect but I think the categories might be a helpful way of determining where you need to improve most.

  • Know/Love God – Seek to know God & ‘Who needs me Today?’ (Mark 12:29-31)
  • Family – Home is the Primary Mission Field (Acts 10:2)
  • Finances – Be a Good Steward of Finances (1 Timothy 6:7-10)
  • Health – Accomplish All of God’s Will in my Life (Philippians 3:12)
  • Career – God is in Control; Work as on to the Lord (Matthew 6:31-33)
  • Ministry – Hope for the Hopeless (Matthew 28:16-20)
  • Avoid Idols – Starve the old self! (Matthew 6:24)
  • Recreation – Observe a Sabbath Rest (Mark 6:31)

For each category above, I create a list of things I thought were critical and that I either aspired to do, or to continue to do.  So, for example, under knowing God my list looked like this:

Know, Love, God, new year's resolutions, resolutions, goals, ChristianI choose the goal ‘Knowing God’ to show here because it is probably the most generic and many of these goals probably could apply to you as well.  My goals under the other categories are very specific to my walk and may not apply.

I know, and science proves, that the highest achievers all have one thing in common… you guessed it, they set goals.  So, I’m reviewing my goals before I start the year so I can make sure I focus my attention.  I’m far from where I want to be and likely even farther from where God wants me to be.

So, why not share your new year’s resolutions here, or on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/NYMensministry

I hope you have a very happy new year’s day and a blessed 2013!

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New Year’s Resolutions by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Christian Budgeting Basics

Dick WiedenheftCommunity Bible ChurchDick Wiedenheft is the pastor of Community Bible Church in Yorktown, NY.  Given the current economic challenges, we recently talked to him about how he and his family budget and the advice he has for others who are trying to be better stewards of the finances God has given them.

Dick, I overheard you talk about you and your wife’s budgeting process and I thought it would be valuable for our readers to hear about it.  First, why do you think budgeting is important and why did your family start?

According to creditcard.com, the average credit card user has $4,600  in credit card debt.   When you consider the fact that a majority of credit card users don’t have any credit card debt and you focus on the remaining users who do, their average debt skyrockets to $16,000 per household.  As a pastor, I can assure you, these people are in our churches.

People with this kind of debt, experience firsthand the practical wisdom given to us in Proverbs 22:7 “The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is the slave to the lender.”  Financial slavery and the stresses that come with it are not what God wants for his people.  Rather, he wants us to experience and model his generosity by being in a position to be generous to others (Eph 4:28).

This is where budgeting comes in.  Each year we take in so much money and we spend so much money.  The goal is to spend less than we take in, and it takes some organization to achieve this.  My wife had a simple budgeting method which worked for her when she was single, and we carried this into our marriage.  We wanted to know where our money was going and to make sure we had a plan to spend less than we earned.

Dick, what method has worked for your family?  Are there any pitfalls that people should be aware of before starting to budget?

We currently use Quicken software (other budgeting programs include: Mvelopes, Mint, etc.) – it allows you to set a budget, to track all your expenses, and to check how far ahead or behind of budget you are.  It even allows you to download transactions from your bank and credit cards.  The main reason we went to Quicken was because we made too many math mistakes when we did it by hand!

But you don’t need a computer.  We started with a small notebook.  For each month, we’d write a column for each major expense we had (rent payment, utilities, groceries, savings, offerings, etc.).  Then we’d write our budgeted amount for that category.  Each time we had an expense in one of those categories, we’re write it below the total and subtract.  the balance was our new Total.  So we always knew instantly how much money we had in each category.  At the end of the month, we’d flip to a new page and start over.

If we had gone over budget in a given category, we’d carry that negative number over to the new month and immediately subtract it from budgeted amount.  That meant we’d be starting that new month with a smaller amount in that category.  If we went under-budget and had a surplus in a category, we had some choices — we could carry that surplus to the next month, we could transfer it to another category, we could add it to savings, we could give it away, or we could buy ourselves a treat!

Do you and your wife ever disagree about how money should be spent?

Yes, like any other couple, money has the potential to be a big source of tension in our relationship.  That’s minimized a lot because we have both agreed to live on a budget and we both try to stick to it.  We sometimes have disagreements at the beginning of the year when we’re coming up with our budget, but once it’s in place, things go pretty smoothly because we have an agreed-upon plan.

Two other things we do to keep harmony is we have an agreement that neither of us will spend more than $100 (except on bills) without checking with the other person first.  Also, we give each other a monthly personal allowance that we can spend on whatever we want.  We have different values  about what is worth spending money on, and our allowance gives us each some freedom to spend some money however we want without having to answer to the other for it.  If I want to save up my allowance for months to buy a tech gadget and she wants to spend hers on a latte twice a week, we each have the freedom to do that.

In regards to debt, how do you recommend people manage it?  Any advice?

This is a big topic.  To keep it simple, I’ll focus on credit card debt and leave mortgages and car payments aside.  First, it doesn’t work to ignore your debt and hope it will go away.  It won’t!  Getting out of debt requires the desire and discipline to deal with it.  There are several ministries and organizations like Crown Financial and Financial Peace University who offer courses and materials which can really help here.

Second, anything you can do to pay down the cards with the highest interest rates or to transfer balances to a loan/credit card with a lower interest rate will save you from wasting your money on interest payments.  Third, once you have your debt under control, you have to honestly ask yourself whether you have the self-discipline to charge only what you can pay off every month.  Otherwise, you really need to cut up your credit cards.

Also, it can be really helpful to find a credit counselor.  Some counselors charge a fee.  Others are free because they get paid by creditors.  You’ll need to do some research to find a good one.  Credit counselors have saved people thousands of dollars on credit card and other debt payments.  They can help you come up with a “doable” budget plan and then they will often negotiate with your creditors to reduce your interest rate or forgive some of your debt.  Creditors would rather get some of what you owe them rather than none of it.  If a credit counselor can assure a creditor that you have a plan in place and are being diligent, a creditor will often cut you some slack so you can make your plan work.  Even if they won’t, often the counselor can help you come up with a plan and help you find the discipline to dig yourself out from your debt.

What if we create a budget and we find that our monthly expenses are greater than our income?

That happens from time to time when we have unexpected expenses, gas prices go up, or our post-tax income isn’t what we expected.  Then, we’ve got to sit down and either lower our expenses or figure out how to bring in more income.  We have to ask each other what we can do without for a while.  Sometimes, if the expense was a one-time hit (like a major car repair), we might dip into savings to cover it, but this isn’t a permanent answer.

Other resources:

Crown Financial Ministries    Focus on the Family  Mvelopes

Creative Commons License
Christian Budgeting Basics by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at https://nymensministry.com/2012/10/10/christianbudgetingbasics/.

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Protecting Your Family

As Christian parents, it is imperative that we regulate what our children see on TV, the internet and elsewhere

“Train up a child in the way he should go,  And when he is old he will not depart from it” – Proverbs 22:6

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” – Matthew 5:28

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman” – Job 31:1

Some Statistics:

  1. On Internet sexual content from Online MBA.  See the full infographic here:

  

2. On TV – according to USA Today, teens experience 3 times as much sexual content on TV then on the internet.  

3. The impact of all this sexual content:

    • According to a Rand study, teens that saw the most sex on TV were twice as likely to initiate intercourse
    • According to Pediatrics, teens who were exposed to the most sexual content were twice as likely to get pregnant in the subsequent 3 year period.
    • Also TV, internet and games, impact their weight and sleep, depression and anxiety, and even grades

So, How Do We Respond?!

I was planning to put together a list of tools and resources but then found Focus on the Family’s page on the topic and I think it is pretty good.  There are other tools out there as well like SafeEyes and Norton Family but this site also contains resources for TV, etc.  So take a look at this site and let us know what you think in the comments.  Thanks!

Focus on the Family – Safety Resources

Sources for all data are listed in the body of this blog.  Please refer to the links for more details.  Thanks!

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Protecting Your Family by Westchester Men’s Ministry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at nymensministry.com.

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The Demise of Guys?!

We originally posted a TED talk on the impact of frequent TV, gaming and porn consumption.  After further reflection, we believe the talk didn’t make the case strong enough.  Please watch this space over the next week – we will share more data on this issue. 

We will also share data on the epidemic of fatherless households.  Sometimes this is due to the physical absence of the husband/father, and sometimes it is due to the emotional absence.  Both, have a huge impact on a child. 

In the meanwhile, please support the below MENTOR initiative.  Thank you!

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I don’t pretend to have all the answers but this is one of the reasons we have a men’s ministry.  We refuse to sit idly by, while our children and grandchildren, our sons and daughters, our friends and family become victims to our society!  We are starting a movement!  Will you join us?!

The movement is of fathers to sacrifice for their children and become a  M – E – N – T – O – R:

M = They Model the behavior.  So that their children say ‘I want to be like that!’.  Pastor Denny Henderson
said it best when he said his father told him that he could always be confident in ‘doing what I do.  saying what I say, watching what I watch, reading what I read’.  He would never do anything that he, his son, shouldn’t do.

E = They Engage and Encourage.  It’s important to know what your son is interested in, what they are worried about, what they are excited about.  As someone said, part of loving someone is caring about what they care about. 

N = They Share the Good News.   A firm foundation based on the Gospel.  As Jesus says in Matthew 7 and Luke 6, you will not be able to stand trials if you do not have a strong foundation.  The foundation is Jesus and we build on that foundation through obedience.

T = They Commit their Time.  We need to spend time not only with our children but with our wives.  How we treat their mothers teaches them a lot about how they should treat women.  As Rev. Theodore Hesburgh said ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’

O = They Expect Obedience.   There is a place for respect and displine in parenting.  As we are obedient to God, we need to ensure our children our respectful and obedient to us and other people in authority.

R = And They Regulate.  As parents we need to regulate the amount and quality of TV, internet and gaming that is consumed by our kids.  We need to create boundaries of appropriate behavior.  Ironically once they know the boudaries it creates a refuge for them because they know what is appropriate.  It’s like the anology that rules in baseball allow us to enjoy the game.  We don’t have to worry about someone running to first and hitting the first baseman in the head with the bat before they are tagged.

Are you willing to make this commitment?   For your son’s sake, for your sake, I hope so.  May God bless you all!

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INDEPENDENCE DAY: COUNTING THE COMMITMENT, NOT THE COST

Commit your way to the LORD. (Psalm 37:5, NIV)

 

Americans will make a mistake today (sorry, little late), well intended, good hearted, but  none-the-less, a mistake.  I’ve seen it begin already as June ended and the calendar pressed  forward to this day, the Fourth of July.

I’ve seen it mostly in the e-mails, the blogs, the Facebook postings of well-intentioned citizens asking me to take this Holiday and think about what freedom cost, to remember the men and the women of the Armed Forces and their sacrifice as the prime example of the cost of freedom.  The suggestion is that if we stop a moment and think about their sacrifice and their suffering then we will have honored the Holiday and made ourselves worthy of it and justified the picnics, the ball games, the BBQs, and the fireworks.

I know this to be true because for years I have done it myself.  I figure that I have a leg up on most of you because I didn’t have to conjure up pictures and videos of men and women in uniform, long rows of white crosses and stars of David, heart-warming clips of homecomings.  I wish I could say I had a front row seat to America’s sacrifice, but Dover’s mortuary puts one right down on the field, not a picture, not a video, but face to face with the actual ultimate price of liberty.

But America has already given me a Holiday to honor them and the cost they have paid — it’s called Memorial Day.  America has given me another holiday to honor those who paid a price and by God’s grace came back alive — it’s called Veteran’s day.  Today, Independence day, we make the mistake of trying to squeeze one more day in to honor our brave men and women of the armed forces and while that’s never a bad thing, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s not the purpose of this Holiday.

This Holiday does not celebrate the cost of our country’s military, but the commitment of its citizenry.  We all know the famous lines from the Declaration . . . “We hold these truths to be self-evident” .

. .  But what of the last line? . . . “And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.”

This is a day to remember their commitment to the higher ideal of Freedom.

Their commitment was established before the cost was paid.

And pay a cost they did — giving their lives, their families, their health, their homes, their businesses, but that’s no less than they pledged to each other.

What commitment!  That’s what I want to remember today — I want to contemplate the deep core of character these men had who committed themselves to giving up life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for themselves in order to give life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to others living and to other generations not yet born.  I want to be a man who makes commitments, good and noble commitments and follows through with them even when the cost was more than I imagined when I made the commitment.

When I was sixteen, I committed myself to being a follower of Jesus Christ

— I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-one, I committed myself to a beautiful woman while standing before God and witnesses — I will keep that commitment to the day I die.  When I was twenty-eight, I committed myself to defending the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic and though I have been retired from Active Duty, I will honor that commitment until the day I die.

When I was 25, 31 and 33, I made the commitment to be a father to three children, not just to raise them, but to be their father — I will keep that commitment until the day I die.

Costs follow commitment!  If I make no commitment, then anything that happens is just a by-product of chance.  If I make the commitment, then I am saying, “let cost come — it will not deter me from what I have pledged.”

So, today, I am reminded that I want to be a man of commitment, to God and His people, to my wife, to my children, to my country.  I may have not paid the ultimate cost in any of these things yet, but I have made the ultimate commitments and I shall keep them regardless the cost.

To Whom, divine or earthly, are you committed today?  To what ideals have you pledged yourself?  Do you recognize that those who pledged themselves to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness gave theirs up — can you do no less?

It’s the fourth of July — make it yours . . . Commit!

 

John Groth

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>Do you have Boundaries

>   I just heard a sermon and the Holy Spirit convicted me.  The sermon was on Daniel 3, the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  In the story the king of Bablon, Nebuchadnezzar, setup a golden statue and told everyone that they must bow down and worship it.  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused and they were told that if they didn’t comply they would be thrown into the blazing furnace.  Without hesitation this is how they replied:

 16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”



They didn’t have to discuss the matter.  This decision was made a long time ago when they decided who they would follow.  They were thrown into the furnace and God was with them.  Read the story in Daniel 3.

This got me thinking ‘do I avoid sinning because God said so, or because of the potential negative consequences.’  Furthermore, have I made a decision that no matter what the consequences, ‘I will not’ or ‘I will’ do certain things.  The answer for me was ‘no’.  I had not drawn those lines clearly.  Yes, there are some things such as murder that wouldn’t require any thought but do I have a clear line that I would not cross?

I decided to create a “Will Do” and “Won’t Do” List.   That is, lists that help me define the boundaries of what I will do, and won’t do at work, at home, at church and with my neighbors and friends.

I soon realized that it is very important that I be specific.  For example, it’s easy to say that ‘I will not break the law’. But this statement is much more effective: “I will not pay for any services in cash to avoid taxes.”

Have you defined the boundaries in your life.  If you haven’t, you might make the wrong decision when put under pressure.  Are you willing to take that risk?!

What’s on your list?  We would like to know.